Helpless

I cannot think of a good starting point.

I have been trying to define my current emotion and I cannot do it. Concerned for my mother? Yes, even worried. But at her age and at this point in her life I know that her recovery depends on both her will and God's will, far more than the army of nurses and Doctors that are tending to her. Does that comfort me, or put me at ease? Not really. Firstly I don't know about mom. I get the feeling that she has about had it and is ready for the next step. I suspect that she felt like her number was up back in '89 when she beat breast cancer. 'Beat.' Ask anybody who has survived breast cancer (Specifically via mastectomy) and you'll know that you don't really 'beat' breast cancer. Even if they get all the cancer, once those lymph nodes are gone your life changes forever. Mom has had a good life and has been pretty much able to do whatever she wanted for most of it. But now with thetracheostomy it is like the curtain has been pulled back and everyone can see the remainder of her life laid out for her. Assisted living at best, quite possibly a nursing home. But that's assuming that she makes it through the pneumonia. But that's up to God. And mom.

My current emotion is "Helpless."