Perchance to Dream

Lately I have been getting better doses of sleep. By and large the child sleeps throughout the night- in the evening after he has given way to slumber you could drive a marching band on a parade float powered by a four-barrel Hemi with an overhead cam and glasspacks through his room and he wouldn't wake up. In the morning when it's time to get up he will actually turn away from me and pull the covers up over his head.

But there is a window between Midnight and 4AM where he will kick his covers off, get cold and then start to whine. If one of us doesn't go and cover him up within a short period of time he will slowly escalate, whipping himself up into a larger and larger froth until he is comforted. This behavior has long since been understood by us and has caused us to hone our subconscious auditory reflexes to the point where we can sense his distress, tend to his needs and (generally) return to our bed without waking up. By "generally" I mean that in this condition we are vulnerable to diversion.

I woke up at 2AM last night in the bathroom, brushing my teeth. Apparently I had decided to get a jump on getting ready for work. I groggily returned to bed, where within 30 seconds another whine came out of the baby monitor.

Wife: "Did you check the baby?"
Me (Uncertainly): "Um, yes?"
Wife: "Was he wet?"
Me: "Huh?"
Wife: "Did his diaper leak?"
Me: "I don't think so..."
Wife: "Did you check?"
Me: "Um, yes?"

More whines from the baby monitor, more insistent this time. The wife lets out a heavy sigh, gets out of bed and shuffles down the hall, muttering. And returns a short time later, with minty breath.

I didn't have the heart to tell her that throughout our conversation I was having a dream that she was Curious George and that child was actually a large pineapple wearing Buddy Holly glasses. That sort of thing never translates well to rational speech and I'm short enough on credibility in this department as it is.

We fell back to sleep facing each other and dreamed of creme de menthe sea turtles, crawling across turquoise beaches.